tabletalk

A Church's Story - Your Part

It recent months I've been spending a lot of time with leadership groups from various churches. All of them want to know how to move forward. Many are anxious about where they are and question their viability over the next decade.

In these next few posts I want to muse a bit on what can be discovered in a church's story.

One of the techniques for discovering a church's story that I have been using comes to me from Linnea Nilsen-Capshaw from Deep Shift, Brian McLaren's group. She asked the leadership of our former church to write a few things on some butcher paper. The questions were: Your Name; the date you entered your church's story; the significant people you remember when you arrived; the significant ministries that were taking place; were you aware of any conflict.

These questions have become the backdrop for me to investigate with church leadership the dna of their congregations. This is a non-threatening and simple way to begin a self-reflection that doesn't need to end in navel gazing. In fact what it begins to uncover are patterns and perceptions that have been present for a very long time. It does this without passing judgment on those things.

What is always humorous to me is that each person will get their turn at the time-line. I give everyone instructions that we're not trying to get it right, we're trying to hear the perceptions that each person had as they entered their church's story. The humor is that you can't go more than a minute before somebody steps in to correct or add or comment on the story. People's memories are jogged. Sometimes old wounds are opened. Most of the time, I have found a shared fondness for many of the significant people that they share in common.

This sets the backdrop for the next steps. A church's dna is their character. In new churches we consciously and unconsciously set the dna. In older congregations we consciously and unconsciously respond to it.

A good first step is understanding your part in your church's story. Remember your part in your church's story is also your part in the the greater story that God is writing not only in you but through you.

Missional Church: A Field Guide - Cultivate a Healthy Climate

In this chapter, Van Gelder and Rouse use one of my favorite descriptions of significant leadership - "Convey a non-anxious presence." This is also a theme in "The Starfish and the Spider". The authors comment that this kind of leadership is more reflective and thoughtful in nature. "They are able to stand back from a situation and observe with some objectivity what is really going on." They quote from Peter Steinke's work, "Congregational Leadership in Anxious Times" - "The leader's 'presence' can have a calming influence on reactive behavior. Rather than reacting to the reactivity of others, leaders with self-composure and self-awareness both exhibit and elicit a more thoughtful response." - P.76 in Field Guide.

The words worth paying attention to are: non-anxious, observe, reflective, thoughtful, non-reactive, self-composure, self-awareness. Where are these abilities developed? For me they are learned behavior. My growing up years and subsequent survival years as an adult were managed by being "in-charge" and assertive. I was a reactive (and often still am) leader. I could go along with the group until I felt it turning away from where I wanted things to go, or thought they should go. Then I would assert my leadership role. This was born out of anxiety. The anxiety was that, like my growing up years, I was moving into an area where I was out-of-control. This was an invitation to chaos and that was unacceptable.

How then does that change? It doesn't happen in the crucible of leadership crisis. I believe it happens when that crucible casts us out into the desert and we are faced with ourselves. There we need to take time to listen, and observe, and reflect, and learn how to be non-anxious with our desert circumstances. By desert I mean those dry places of our lives, those places where our supports have been taken away. The places where we are exposed for our frailty and we are vulnerable. It may the desert of our hearts and minds that no one but God can see, but it is still a wilderness.

My anxious self would want to fix the circumstance and run forward into some other place where I could control my environment. But that only serves to hide my anxiety. No, the key is to learn to remain with my anxious self until the anxiety is attended to and made peace with. It's ok to be anxious. But my anxiety must not rule my actions. So I make peace with it when I can. Acknowledge it. Understand it. Offer it up. Hand it over. Live in it. Until it's affect is diminished.

This is the critical step to being able to handle other people's anxiety. It keeps my anxious self from getting mixed up in the anxieties of others. Then I am not reactive in leadership. I am able to allow for other's anxiety to be expressed. It's ok to be anxious. But let us not allow our anxiety to rule the day.

Jesus comments on this in the Sermon on the Mount. Something about birds and God's love for human beings and tomorrow. It is truly an act of faith to be non-anxious. The road there is through the desert wilderness of our own souls.

Just a note: The expert, the CEO, the driven leader....they will only add to the organization's anxiety not diminish it. At some point it all falls down.

Missional Church: A Field Guide - Unmasking Principalities and Powers

I believe this is one of the most understated roles of the church. Partly because the church has to risk its very life to do this. For me, most mega-churches ride the wave of cultural acceptability. They rarely risk unmasking the "prevailing plausibility structures" which is how Newbigin describes the principalities and powers. What most culturally driven congregations do is baptize the prevailing culture and say something like, "You just need to add Jesus to your life and it will all make sense." The key here is that culture isn't questioned, and the only thing missing is a spiritual component that will "round out" a person's life - meaning and fulfillment will follow.

The irony is it fails to ask anyone to give up anything (except for money to build the facilities that give the impression of success!) I have a friend that would like to challenge the title of a book "From Success to Significance". He would like the next book to skip the 'significance' stage and move straight from success to sacrifice. It think Jon's right. It isn't until we unmask the things that have power to shape and guide culture and us, that we will begin to demonstrate the power of the Gospel.

Many have said that our wealth masks our needs. It gives us a false sense of security. It is true that our current economic situation is unmasking the false promises of false gods.

The church needs to consider doing this intentionally, not merely accidentally. That is we need to say no to those things that give us security and value and importance that are not born in God. We also need to unmask the motives of holding power and influence in our seemingly spiritual acts. The reason my friend suggests that we need to skip the significance part of the above equation is that we can still use all our manipulative and power holding skills to move ahead a very spiritual agenda, and God can be no where in sight. The means are the end for true spiritual success. So we need to give up our own powerful means so that God's means can be seen clearly.

I did a research project some years ago. In it I asked if preaching shaped the missional practices and character of newly forming congregations. The surprise wasn't that it did, but how much it did. The most interesting part of the research to me, however, was that what 'wasn't preached' equally had an effect on the church. In those congregations where social justice and prophetic challenges were absent, so were justice practices and prophetic actions. What we don't say speaks volumes.

At this point it is Paul's admonition in 2 Corinthians that informs me. "We have this treasure in fragile clay vessels to prove that this light doesn't come from us, but comes from God."

Principalities (princely or governing powers) and powers (culture shaping energy, say like advertising or nationalism), that tell us "the way things are" can only be unmasked when we demonstrate that they are wrong. We do this in weakness and reliance. We do this in brokenness and vulnerability. We get there through tragedy and sacrifice and identifying our lives more closely with those who have not, than those who have.

Why else do you think Jesus was born in a manger in Bethlehem? Jesus unmasked the principalities and powers in his incarnation. We need to get inside Jesus' life and live there.

Advent - Waiting Rooms

"You were born for a time such as this". And so, many people I know have listened to this verse as a description of the 'greatness' of the moment and as a kind of benediction on their lives and ministries. It means, beneath the surface, that they are called to a significant role in history. Like Esther, they are important.

We all want to be important. We all want to be significant 'players' on the stage of history.

Advent can be seen this way, as the kairos moment on the verge of changing the world. And it is - really! But Advent itself tries to teach us the lesson of the waiting room.

This is not a new image for Advent, but it is an observation for our time. I've been in a few waiting rooms in my life. Lots of them actually. And at this time in my life I know what to do in them. There are a few practices that may prove helpful for you that I've learned along the way and recently reflected on when I was sitting in a hospital waiting room a few weeks ago.

First, once you arrive don't be anxious about needing to talk to someone or seeing the people you came to encourage. Don't be anxious about your part. Your part is essentially done. You are present.

Second, be considerate of others in the waiting room - especially people who are not part of your concerned group. Listen, watch, help where you can. It may mean offering a chair or opening a door. Usually small things. Don't get into other people's problems, just make it easier for them to bear their burden. You don't have to carry it. You can be a help by not being needy. It's not about you anyway. (I preached this long before Rick Warren got a hold of it. He may have stolen it from me! Well, I may have stolen it too!)

Third, make sure you bring something to do. I'm always prepared to pray. Usually, I have something to read. Sometimes I will have internet access and can use my iphone keep in touch. Sometimes I would bring paper and pen and write. More often than not, the only thing I get to is praying. There was a member of my former congregation who was sitting in the hospital hallway when the parent of the child in the ICU passed by. He was asked if he wanted to come in and visit. His response was no, he was doing what he needed to do - pray. And my friend went regularly to the hospital and diligently prayed for healing. He didn't need updates or doctor consults. Prayer covered it all.

Fourth, don't be anxious to leave. Number one, those you go to visit are on a timeless clock. Yours is of no consequence. Plus, when you wait and stay put, you may just be there at the right moment. Certainly if you pray, you are doing an important work. But if you can't wait around, why did you come by in the first place? Showing up - sticking around.

Fifth, speak when spoken to. Don't be anxious about what you are to say. Listen a lot. Be attentive to those you came to see. You don't have the right words to say anyway - and oh, did I mention - it's not about you.

I believe this Advent season we are, more than ever, sitting in the world's waiting room. We don't know the extent of the injuries to our culture, economy, world. We don't know what will happen. We feel powerless over the events that have shaped the current status of our lives and country and beyond. The people around us seem on the verge, the edge, and are anxious.

The above things may well be a good way to navigate. Most importantly the world needs us to be a non-anxious presence. You might be surprised by how much you make a difference by showing up, sticking around, listening, praying, being helpful to those outside your circle of friends. Advent is a good time for us Christian types. It can very well bring out the best in us.

Transforming People ( quick note)

The measure of the health of a congregation or ministry is in seeing people and neighborhoods and cultures and societies and governments transformed. Transformation can be highly visible or quietly understated. Sometimes not even the transformed know that they have been until they can stand apart and look back and reflect on the journey.

When it comes to CODE (dna) - I'm not sure that changes. But I am confident our response to Code can change. And in the end - well, real transformation is an eschatological event - God will make all things new in the end. Right now we are a sign and a foretaste of what it will be like. But the real thing is yet to come. So we live in the tension of already and not yet. Be encouraged even by small signs of transformative substance.

Transforming Church: Inertia/Reinvention Part 2 (Keeping your head)

In a recent conversation with my friend Tod Bolsinger, we both happened on the same observation about Barack Obama's campaign - he was a "non-anxious presence". We both understood that one of the keys to Obama's victory was the demeanor he managed throughout the campaign. This is not to say that we believe one way or the other concerning his policies or his politics. It was an observation of the kind of leadership he was exercising. One of the characteristics of successful leadership is presenting a non-anxious presence - keeping your head on when everyone around you is losing theirs'. This was what some friends of mine shared with me this last fall in relation to how they viewed Bush's leadership in N.Y. after 9/11. They were in N.Y. at the time and were appreciative of this quality of assurance.

One of the travel tips (a feature in many of Ford's chapters that I find very helpful) is "Monitor your own urgency. If you are overly anxious, you are not allowing the members to have enough anxiety to change." p.186

Now this seems to be the opposite of the above observation. We believe that being a non-anxious presence should diminish others' anxiety and everything will calm down. I admit that is what I want to have happen at times. But that may not be the best thing that happens and may not be what really happens.

I have a parental observation about anxiety in the family. For me growing up, expressing anything that was anxious was met with greater anxiety, chaos and possibly anger. I learned to repress, hold on, hide, bury, swallow feelings that would upset the uneasy balance in my family. The fragile nature of my family of origin was one that dictated this behavior. Not a good way of dealing with things.

Early on and continually as a battle with my own issues, when it came to raising children, I wanted to avoid conflict and feelings of being out-of-control. My way of handling things was to rule over those expressions of emotion and get them behind us! Usually I did this by getting louder and more forceful.

It has taken most of my life (and I still struggle with this) to allow for the expression of emotion without trying to solve it. How does this work? Well, my own children are very capable publicly. It's at home when they let down and show what they are feeling. It can be a melt-down or a time of vulnerability or insecurity. A flood of emotion can come. Early on I would have tried to resolve or end it quickly. Out of my own anxiety I would act. But that would have short-circuited what was needed. What my children needed was what their mother offered - a non-anxious presence with whom they could explore their own anxieties. It didn't lessen the emotion, it allowed it to get out in the open.

This is a dynamic that leads to true transformation and change. My children learned to get out the emotion and anxiety and became free to deal with it. Not easy work, but it is necessary work for all people.

Consider the role of the non-anxious leader. If we operate out of our own urgency and anxiety, then we may be creating a place where there is not enough stability and freedom for others to "lose it"! Are we creating a safe place for others to be anxious? Their anxiety may well be the energy that leads to change. If we as leaders can remain non-anxious, then perhaps others will be free to explore their own anxieties, knowing that there are those around them who can keep their heads on, even while they are losing their own.

An environment that is open to ambiguity and conflict and chaos, not as adversary but as needed energy, that can be a place for appropriate growth and transformation.

Keep your heads on!

Techniques - Tolerance or Inclusion?

(Thanksgiving - the day after.)

Holiday movies often take on this subject. The family and extended family and friends gather for a holiday meal. The comedic moments come as people encounter all those personalities that they spend the year and sometimes a lifetime trying to avoid. You know the personalities - the loud ones, the pedantic ones, the not so interesting ones, whatever flavor of person we find irritating or challenging or for that matter intriguing

In the previous post I noted that "Adaptive issues actually require a kind of solidarity with the ones God has called us to care for and love." Very often our approach to inclusiveness belies our technical orientation. Technical orientation can often betray our real feelings. In most of the comedic moments in film, the one trying to be inclusive is merely creating a technical way of tolerating the people they can't stand or wish to avoid, or a technical way of getting noticed. What creates the comedy is when the technique breaks down.

In real life when our techniques break down, it doesn't often lead to comedic moments but can lead back to alienation or hurtfulness. But the real question is, "How do we include those we really don't want in our circle of relationships?"

I was reminded recently of a short-term mission experience in India. I was in the international terminal in Hong Kong waiting to get on a plane with 400 people, mostly from India. It was then I had a moment of panic. The smells, the language, the feeling of being closed with a lack of personal space - I really didn't like Indian people. Not at that moment. The next month was going to be awful. My own prejudices, both racially and culturally had been exposed. My altruism and "faith" had also been exposed for their shallowness.

What happened over the next month was transformative. I was caught up in the hospitality and friendship of others. They made room for me in their lives. Our hosts were in solidarity with me. The tables were turned. My defenses broke down. My techniques were obliterated. I had to trust in my hosts. Their inclusion of me led to my inclusion of them.

When we think we are going to do good to others, often the way our technical attitudes and plans get broken open when the tables get turned. Not unlike my experience when I visit a hospital or a convalescent care center. Thinking I will be the one doing the ministry I am ministered to. This happens more often than not.

This is a clue to how solidarity with others is created. It's an old adage, "Walk a mile in another person's shoes." Not simply to gain understanding or to show sympathy, but so that one can "know" what another's life is like. We truly know and understand. Then we can walk together. Isn't this the goal? Isn't this why we are called to make disciples not merely converts? We are calling everyone into one body, into Christ. Not a way of thinking only. Not a lifestyle, not a philosophy - but walking together through this world. And the more diversity the better.

As long as we are intent on doing to others so we can get them to do what we want them to do, we will create comedic and I'm afraid tragic circumstances. Techniques end up being disingenuous at their best and manipulative at their worst. Tolerance is not a great value in God's kingdom. God is after inclusion.

On this day I am reminded of how much my heart goes out to the Indian people in the tragedy of these last few days. I was changed by the inclusive friendship of the Indian people and now feel a remarkable sadness and solidarity with them. A feeling I wish Americans can now sadly relate to after 9/11. More than a casual prayer has been said for those in danger and in mourning. Amazing how things change.

I need to stop here or it will be a true ramble.

Guitar Insurance Geek Blog

I was playing music between two of my guitar heroes the other night. One of the conversations led to a discussion of instrument insurance. My friends Margie and Greg Mirken led me to a company that they have dealt with for some time. I have several instruments insured for $250 per year. They are a no hassles group that knows musical instruments (I think they use prudential ultimately). But if you step on your instrument or it is thrown from the plane or run over by your car, they will replace it at retail value. No muss, no fuss. So who are these people? Here they are: Heritage Insurance Services, Inc. 826 Bustleton Pike, Suite 203 Feasterville, PA 19053 Phone: 1-800-289-8837, ext. 104 Fax: 215-322-5854 Email: robinh@musicins.com Website: www.musicins.com Most of us don't insure our instruments for their current value and we rely upon riders from our homeowners coverage to take care of it and then discover it's inadequate and they don't know the value of things like guitars and harps and banjos. If you're one of those, check out this insurance carrier.

Vulnerability for Real

A friend of mine has asked me to make the last few blogs more intelligible.  OK.  Sometimes I get ahead of myself and write in order to think out-loud.  These are not completed or even good thoughts.  They are simply thoughts and deserve all the critique or disinterest they can muster.

Vulnerability.  Am I open to having my thoughts and positions truly questioned?  This is the initial posture we need to adopt in order to have a true conversation.  My guess is that most of us are intellectually honest and would nod in agreement if asked we were open to being challenged.  And I would conclude that most of us would be lying to ourselves and others.  It is what Alasdair McIntyre writes in his book "After Virtue", we don't really know why we hold our positions and therefore can't enter into a conversation without it getting shrill.  The reason?  We lack the ability to consider our position from many angles because we hold it from a very narrow perspective.

In the constitution of the Presybterian Church (USA) we say that we will undertake the ministry God gives us even at the risk of losing the church we know.  It's a great statement.  It is also merely a theory for most of us.  We are all trying to preserve what we have.

To be able to address the issues before our denomination we need to be truly vulnerable from all sides.  The problem is that we don't trust everyone to be willing to be vulnerable at this level.  So we hedge our bets. 

The cure?  Trust.  Trust God for the future.  Trust God for the present.  Our task is to trust that the church is Christ's not ours.  One or both or all sides need to risk losing their claim.  This means we need to have our positions open to real scrutiny. This is the heretical imperative at work. 

The first step - true vulnerability.  I don't know what it looks like just yet, but together maybe we can figure it out.

Of Jobs and Houses: What's Happening?!

Whenever I am away from my blog it is usually because my life has overwhelmed my ability to sit down and reflect. Too many blogs are unreflected thoughts - which is fine, don't get me wrong. Just not my interest most of the time.

Why?! you may ask.

Answer: Since December we have been intently looking for a place to move and I have been on the job search. In the last 3 weeks all these things have come together.

First the job search. I am taking a position as Director of New Church Development for the Presbytery of the Cascades. For you non-Presbyterian types, the Presbytery has a certain jurisdiction. In this case the Cascades Presbytery is all of Oregon, the very southern border of Washington and the very northern border of California. It is a position that is funded for two years. The work of starting churches is at the center of my interests and passions. I'm excited for the opportunity to assist the Cascades in their vision and work. It is absolutely unique in our denomination, but I hope it will become more common. Click on Cascades NCD Website to find out what they are doing. I begin work on April 15th. I'll be in Portland. It is the same Presbytery that John and Gail Moody serve in (for those who know John and Gail) plus I have already taken advantage of the kind hospitality of Chuck and June Cassell (for those of you who know Chuck and June).

Second: We've found a house!

It is in the Ashton neighborhood of Forster Ranch in San Clemente. We plan on moving by April 15th. One of our goals was to get closer to the ocean. Unfortunately to be at the ocean was impractical financially. But we are now 4.5 miles from our new home to putting our big toes in the water. We think that is great. The house is smaller, but still has room for guests.

Why and how and?!? OK, I get it. We believe our long term residence is in S. California. Because the job is only funded for two years we decided to stay settled in SoCal and I would become an interstate commuter. How? Well we're not sure, but it seems to be the right thing all around. If we don't buy in this market then we may well be shut out in the future. We will always maintain a home in SoCal. Dee has moved her office out of the home and into her main office in Irvine. Lindsay is looking for a job in Orange County and Chelsea is in-between things. I'll be getting a small place in Portland for the time being. Alaska Air will be my friend. Anyone have frequent flier miles they want to contribute?! No, seriously!

Did I mention that the escrow on the house was 15 days! Kudos to Bill Rolfing our realtor, our lender, Karen Vietmeier of Los Ranchos Presbytery staff, Julie Sandler who found the loan, and I'm sure countless others. Thanks.

More in a while.