"This is the fifth transformational key. It is important for healthy, Spirit-led leadership to stay the course when facing conflict by practicing truth telling as an opportunity for learning and growing together." p.96
There is a difference between problems and conflict. Problems are well, challenges that have solutions that can be derived when we put our heads together and work on them. They are more like tasks that need some good thinking.
Conflict on the other hand is personal. Conflict is always more than a problem-solving task. Underneath it has feelings, history, unconscious responses, and much much more. Conflict is not rational though it will have rationality as part of it's resolve. I may be in conflict with someone not because I disagree with their ideas, but because something in them, the way they talk or act, has reached into my sub or unconscious and grabbed ahold of my sensibilities. I then become reactive - often unknowingly. It's like the physical and psychological response we get from some smells. It catches us off-guard.
The key in both conflict and difficult times (knowing they are not the same) is to stay the course. This is where the non-reactive, non-anxious leadership role is most needed. The true key then is to stay in the room long enough to find out what is really going on. This could take a long time or not.
Often conflict is masked by a more publicly appropriate disagreement over a policy or theological position. While we hammer away at trying to convince others of the rightness of our positions, we wonder why no one's mind is changed. Sometimes we give up and walk away believing the other side simply will never "get it". Admittedly there are real disagreements that have no earthly solution. But most of the time I would wager that we simply walk away too early and never get at the root sources of our perceived problems and underlying conflicts.
I'm reminded of the description of liminality. Liminal is that place in-between. It is the desert wilderness. It is the no man's land between adolescence and adulthood. It is the waiting place where there seems no resolve. I believe it is Richard Rohr who said that the key to leadership is to assist people who have been in that in-between place for a long time and are ready to leave to stay. And to beckon into the room those who want to avoid the desert wilderness to join in with the others. And then to stay put. Stay long enough until the solution, the truth is known. Don't settle. Don't run away. Don't give up. Stay put until God removes you from the in-between.
This is what missional leadership needs to do when it is blocked or challenged or confronted. Stay put. Stay the course. Wait. Pray. Be. Until you know God has spoken and moved. Let God be the truth teller to all gathered. Let's not be the ones to give only one side of the truth - ours!
Craig: I like what you wrote here-- "Stay put. Stay the course. Wait. Pray. Be." This is very helpful. I have been checking in on your blog and look forward to future posts. Doug
Posted by: Doug McMahon | January 14, 2009 at 11:57 AM