Transforming Church: Inertia/Reinvention Part 2 (Keeping your head)

In a recent conversation with my friend Tod Bolsinger, we both happened on the same observation about Barack Obama's campaign - he was a "non-anxious presence". We both understood that one of the keys to Obama's victory was the demeanor he managed throughout the campaign. This is not to say that we believe one way or the other concerning his policies or his politics. It was an observation of the kind of leadership he was exercising. One of the characteristics of successful leadership is presenting a non-anxious presence - keeping your head on when everyone around you is losing theirs'. This was what some friends of mine shared with me this last fall in relation to how they viewed Bush's leadership in N.Y. after 9/11. They were in N.Y. at the time and were appreciative of this quality of assurance.

One of the travel tips (a feature in many of Ford's chapters that I find very helpful) is "Monitor your own urgency. If you are overly anxious, you are not allowing the members to have enough anxiety to change." p.186

Now this seems to be the opposite of the above observation. We believe that being a non-anxious presence should diminish others' anxiety and everything will calm down. I admit that is what I want to have happen at times. But that may not be the best thing that happens and may not be what really happens.

I have a parental observation about anxiety in the family. For me growing up, expressing anything that was anxious was met with greater anxiety, chaos and possibly anger. I learned to repress, hold on, hide, bury, swallow feelings that would upset the uneasy balance in my family. The fragile nature of my family of origin was one that dictated this behavior. Not a good way of dealing with things.

Early on and continually as a battle with my own issues, when it came to raising children, I wanted to avoid conflict and feelings of being out-of-control. My way of handling things was to rule over those expressions of emotion and get them behind us! Usually I did this by getting louder and more forceful.

It has taken most of my life (and I still struggle with this) to allow for the expression of emotion without trying to solve it. How does this work? Well, my own children are very capable publicly. It's at home when they let down and show what they are feeling. It can be a melt-down or a time of vulnerability or insecurity. A flood of emotion can come. Early on I would have tried to resolve or end it quickly. Out of my own anxiety I would act. But that would have short-circuited what was needed. What my children needed was what their mother offered - a non-anxious presence with whom they could explore their own anxieties. It didn't lessen the emotion, it allowed it to get out in the open.

This is a dynamic that leads to true transformation and change. My children learned to get out the emotion and anxiety and became free to deal with it. Not easy work, but it is necessary work for all people.

Consider the role of the non-anxious leader. If we operate out of our own urgency and anxiety, then we may be creating a place where there is not enough stability and freedom for others to "lose it"! Are we creating a safe place for others to be anxious? Their anxiety may well be the energy that leads to change. If we as leaders can remain non-anxious, then perhaps others will be free to explore their own anxieties, knowing that there are those around them who can keep their heads on, even while they are losing their own.

An environment that is open to ambiguity and conflict and chaos, not as adversary but as needed energy, that can be a place for appropriate growth and transformation.

Keep your heads on!