Radical Discontinuity

That's what my spiritual director has told me. I'm in a period of "radical discontinuity." Since my resignation as Pastor of Trabuco Presbyterian Church, I've been in a time of discontinuity and it has been radical! I didn't jump from one job into the next, I merely needed to stop and collect myself before I did move on. I felt it was disingenuous to make the congregation go through my personal "collecting". So rather than make this into a prolonged job search where I was only half committed to everything I was doing, I decided that it was best to commit myself to being in a personal "radical discontinuity," in the hopes that I would emerge knowing what to do next by focusing my energies on what was important to me, and the tasks that I had to accomplish to move forward in faith, ministry, calling, life.

It began by plunging into this "radical discontinuity." People who retire experience this. (Some have congratulated me on my retirement! Not old enough and not rich enough!) My director mentioned the other day that he went to a 'prepare for retirement seminar'. He said that the speaker said that retirees face three similar challenges. They face the anxiety of what to do. This is the future question. They face the question of 'Who am I?' We might say, the 'existential' question. Third they face the question of what to do with their time. He said the first thing that the speaker recommends to those in retirement is to create a business card. Let me say, it was one of the first things I did when I left my position as pastor. It helped me answer the question, "who am I?" - at least in casual conversation.

Some observations about living in this "radical discontinuity". First is to not live too far into the future. This is advice I've given others. It comes from Henri Nouwen's look at the Desert Fathers. His comment is that trying to secure the future leads to anxiety and greed. Plus the future is illusory. We have no idea about what Saturday will be on Tuesday. We have only Tuesday. Now we make plans for Saturday, but we don't live into them until we get there. So no use being anxious about tomorrow, Jesus says, today's troubles are enough. Second is to notice that the discontinuity is not an enemy. Can you make friends with where you are if you are in-between? If everything around you is changing, can you be at peace? The goal is to not strive against where you are. The goal is not to suppress your anxiety but simply face it. What will I do? How will I make money? Where will I live? I feel all these things and they make me anxious. But the truth is that I will make money, I will live somewhere, I will do and be something. Facing the anxiety and brushing it away with bravado or toughness or denial is no help. Letting out. Naming it. Turning it over to God. Telling friends. The pressure in the pressure cooker (an analogy I doubt anyone younger than me would understand) gets less and you can focus on today. Which is all you've got.

Radical discontinuity, when everything around you and in you is changing isn't a burden or something to be gotten over. It is rather a place to learn and live and grow.